Kolkata buses

This is the first thing I read this morning when I opened my mails. Its a complete laugh riot. Some I had heard before, but good to hear them again. Here's the same for you:

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There were no charpokas, peepreys or haatis on the streets Wednesday before last. Except for a few mamas and mastaans, almost everybody stayed home because it was a hartal. Bouncy break-dancers and slow-moving langras also had a rest day. Near Howrah and other vantage entry points, CITU sergeants saw to it that local trains could get no further. Decibel levels fell drastically, due to the absence of the rattle of Calcutta's bone-shakers and the barking of minibus conductors. There were no cries of "Aastey ladies", "Hilakey Chalo" and "Electrikey Chalao"."

If you've lost me and you're reaching for a Calictionary, stay right where you are, you'll find it on this page. Calcuttans on the street, more than any other city, have a term or a phrase of their own for everything under its scorching sun. No city can match it for originality and spontaneity when you talk of a roadside lexicon. No other citizen in the world has the intensity, the passion and the sense of humour that the Calcuttan has. With his turn of phrase he is an Oscar Wilde, Bernard Shaw and Sukumar Ray rolled into one? Expressive, Explosive and always Exclusive.

For the uninitiated Calcuttan, here's a handy thesaurus of innovative street jargon; for the hardcore Calcutta, it could serve as a ready reckoner.

MAMA: policeman. Now you know why you need to stay away from your "Mamar-bari"!
PEEPRAYS: auto-rickshaws who are multiplying in hundreds and bugging one and all
CHARPOKA'S : Maruti 800s
MATCHBOX: Calcutta's first generation mini-buses that left you hunchbacked and stiff-necked.
HAATIS: double-decker buses with a 'trunk' in which! the driver sits; an almost extinct species.
LANGRAS: three-legged tempos that limp along and handicap other drivers.
SHAHID MINARS: speedbreakers. Erecting them has become a trend, generally after someone has been killed on the spot.
ELECTRIKEY CHALAO: a bus conductor's coded jargon, telling his driver to speed-break-speed-break in order to jerk passengers further in, since they are all crowding near the entrance.
HECHKEE TULCHEN KANO: a passenger's retort to the above.
DADA, FEVICOL NA ORDINARY??: question asked by a 'standing commuter'(usually on a local train) to a 'sitting' one, wanting to know how far he is going. If the answer is 'ordinary', the 'standing' commuter will stay right there waiting to pounce on his seat; if the answer is "fevicol", he will move away to try his luck with another passenger.
DADA, KEE KELCHEN??: Test naa One day: The bus equivalent of above.
DADA, ISTRI KOREY DILEN?: what you tell a passenger who in his hurry to get off, stamps hard on your toes.
DADA,JE AKEBAREY DAAK-TICKET HOYE SHETEY GALEN:: sarcastic comment targeting Romeos who refuse to budge from the vicinity of the ladies seats, invariably getting 'stuck', just like a stamp on an envelope
SANDOW-MASHI:: a tongue-in-cheek conductor's term describing a not-so-young lady wearing a sleeveless blouse, a la Govinda.
HALF LADIES: a skinny, boyish girl in jeans and T-shirt; the conductor is in a dilemma!
DADA,KEE DOUBLE TICKET NAA KI?:adar kee double ticket naa kee: a passenger's caustic remark to a grossly overweight fellow passenger who is hogging the seat.
DADA; KON RATION-ER CHAAL KHAAN:, kon ration-er chaal khaan: this is another version of the rude comment above.
AIEREY, FORSHA KOREY DILO: a helpless pickpocket victim's exasperated exclamation.
DADA,ENGINE-ER_TUNING-TA-THIK-KORAAN: below-the-belt advice to a fellow passenger who is snoring loud enough to drive the pigs to market.
DADA,KAAR BAADI TE AAJ MOOLOR CHAR-CHARI RANNA HOYECHEY: >a subtle comment directed to whom it may concern, in a crowded bus, post a 'sudden whiff in the air"

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Hope you guys had a good laugh too :)